Immediately, the issue of whether one partner was a top or bottom ceased to have any relevance... Furthermore, the broad range of interpretation concerning what exactly a top or bottom is be it within a heterosexual or homosexual relationship relegates the entire excercise of attempting to define the seemingly undefineable an excercise in futility! In this I may be guilty of simplifying but I would rather go on record as excluding the details in an attempt to pay humble homage to the utter complexity of diversity! Nonetheless, since I did undertake this task I will herein attempt to explicate the question/answer to the best of my ability this time without any drawn out glossary of terms even though I might add that a glossary is precisely what is needed in such an example as this. I will rely therefore on the personal knowledge of the reader to extrapolate the meanings of the terms; "Top and Bottom" with the most minimal of attempts at a glossary then.
Within the realm of human interaction both sexual and nonsexual, lets say social... there is an incontrovertible element of dominance and submission required in order to forge through the difficult business of human socialization. Historically the more dominant persona has been called the Top and the one assuming or believed to have assumed a more submissive role is called the Bottom. The most common example is that between a husband and wife where the male assumes the dominant role and the female the submissive. Of course the sexual revolution has completely revised this historic and now obsolete social structure of the past few hundred thousand millinea. What is left appears to be a mere fantasy, an idealized, ritualized game of role playing in a society that, (due to genetic engineering), no longer even requre any kind of sexual intercourse in order to reproduce. In the 21st century spem and egg can be artificially reproduced, fertilized and incubated... leaving the traditional roles of sexual dominance and submission, top and bottom, to mere bedroom games... Women do not go to work in the A.M. as powerful C.E.O.'s of Global Corporations only to go home to assume a submissive role to some man or woman unless they do so by choice. Only 50 years ago the roles of top and bottom were enforced by society and its laws... you've come a long way baby!
Over the years I have discovered that many, not all, male Bottoms have a complete misunderstanding of the very object of their desire… male Tops! There is no stereotype for Bottoms… they come in all shapes and sizes and vary from the more female-identified to the more male-identified varieties and the same holds true for their alter ego, the Tops.
Furthermore, there is an even wider range of interpretation about what specifically constitutes a Top or a Bottom. Neither of these arguments are ones that I am ready to enter now or at any other time because if find that human nature is so diverse that it is impossible and even criminal to generalize or seek to label something that clearly has so many permutations…
For my part I have almost exclusively been in relationships
with other Tops with a couple of exceptions… I am fairly certain that many
Bottoms cannot or will not comprehend what two Tops could or would do together
because they may not have a well-developed understanding of what really constitutes a Top in the first
place… A mere sophomoric understanding based on the heterosexual
male-dominant/female-submissive model is insufficient or more appropriately,
impotent when dealing with the issue of two Tops; the textbook must be
rewritten on this one gentleman… But it
is not my intent to do it here…
My advice to Tops and Bottoms is not to place too much value
in what is geneally referred to as “Pussy Power” because there are far more complex and invisible dynamics that
ultimately formulate the equation of human attraction. Nothing, my friend is ever completely
absolute! Outside of a purely sexual
relationship sex including sexual roles plays a significantly reduced
importance in the total hierarchy of things although it’s importance can never
be disregarded as insignificant in that equation; it is significant. The key is to identify, understand and grow
those intangible elements that always take precedence over sex as a
relationship matures. Relationships
mirror life, when they are young they are obsessed with surface matters but as
they mature they permeate the very soul, leaving the surface behind…
So my answer to the question is definitely, YES! It is fully possible for two tops or two
bottoms to form a successful relationship!
There are no hard and fast rules to dating or sexing or relationships of
any kind that I have been apprised of in these 50 years that I have experienced
life; to the contrary for every rule that humans try to make there are always
many, many fully viable exceptions. Many
people are more comfortable viewing the world from a polarized perspective
because it is easier to manage mentally.
But while dwelling on over simplified world views may satisfy ones need
simplify life in general it ultimately pushes one into a dark and narrow cave
that is utterly ignorant of life as it is truly lived… Again, if one is
satisfied living in a cave of their own design, shared by others who will not
challenge themselves to think deeper it is surely not my place to tell them
they are wrong. Life, as we all know, is
all about choice and consequence… The consequence of narrowness is ignorance
and the consequence of openness is wisdom… and wisdom is a book of infinite
possibilities! When I was a classroom
teacher I would always write this at the top of the chalk-board in bold
letters: “EXPLORE ALL POSSIBILITIES… 1,
2, 3, INFINITY…” During the ten or so
years I taught not one student ever asked me about the origin of my declamation. I like to think that was because the truth
therein was so self-explanatory, so obvious and so compelling that everyone
just got it! This leaves me to wonder if
every teacher had done the same would this question have ever come up at
all?
Gentlemen… as much as we desire to tone life down we ultimately
find that it won’t be easily subdued, life is complex by its very nature and so
is every other phenomenon that exists and the deeper we explore the infinite
facets of life to more this truth is evinced. True, the everyday man what with work, family,
finances and a host of other distractions may not have time to engage such
detailed and time consuming and thought provoking analysis of life… that is why
we have philosophers. Song writers,
poets, novelists, artists of figure, dance and performance are all philosophers
of sorts conveying the complex thoughts of themselves or of others in ways that
can be easily absorbed… making them appear to be simple… But they are not! They are often the fruit of many years of
life experience, contemplation, analysis and frustration… the common stuff of
life.
I cannot say if there is any moral to this story save that
people who close themselves to the many marvelous possibilities of this life
may doom themselves to be forever trapped in a life of ignorance and disappointment
administered by their own hands…
If there is any message central to this story it is to
remain open and continually grow in your understanding of the human condition
or to remain tolerant of that which you cannot or will not understand. This means that you must also understand
fully what tolerance means… Remember to always cherish and support “Other” it
may be that in the eyes of some you represent “Other”… at the end of the day it is not so important
that you understand or even agree with “Other” so long as you recognize and
defend its reason to exist!
By D. Vollin
www.forthebrothas.blogspot.com
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