MEN’S ETIQUETTE, A RESTAURANT WITH NO HAT CHECK OR COATROOM…

MEN’S ETIQUETTE, A RESTAURANT WITH NO HAT CHECK OR COATROOM…

The first time I ever seriously contemplated the subject of a timely revision to the matter of men’s etiquette was when I was entreated to remove an exceptionally esteemed fedora in a somewhat less than mediocre eating establishment.  The question was not necessarily if I would have removed it in homage to the ritual convention that gentleman must always remove their chapeau when entering into a restaurant as I here quote Emily Post advising men that, “In a fashionable restaurant a man leaves his hat and coat in the coat room or checks them at the entrance of the restaurant.” Rather, the question was where would I place my then-favorite chapeau as there was neither a coat room or hat check.  I was therefore challenged to discover a nearby location where my chapeau would neither be ruined by the tiniest morsel of food or grease nor be stolen whilst I dined.  So grave had my choices become that I chose not to dine there at all but the dilemma remained.

Now when I refer to a gentleman’s hat I mean a fine fedora, Kufe, Kaftan, homburg, boater, derby, homburg, fez, krakul, ascot or other type of more formal dress hat certainly not any of the more informal varieties such as a baseball cap, a skull cap or stocking hat.  Hats that are of a formal religious nature are exempt from the secular rules of etiquette as they are governed by more restrictive standards such as a turban a zucchetto, a toquem, fez or biretta.

I had never got so political, not about a mere question of etiquette as I have now become, but let me organise my argument in a comparison contrast so that you gentlemen can see the true nature of my thoughts.  First allow me to define the term, “Restaurant”.  Without delving overlong into the history of the use of the terminology it appears that the term restaurant widely refers to an eating establishment primarily devoted to the preparation of food including the serving of beverages with the key distinction being that customers are primarily intended to dine on the premises with the smaller portion of customers dining off premises in what is commonly referred to as a, “carryout” feature.  I feel that it is largely the dynamic of dining on premises which drives the necessity for a gentleman to remove his hat.  The restaurateur is charged with the responsibility of preparing a compelling dining experience for his gentle patrons including safe and clean accommodations for a gentleman’s chapeau.  A restaurateur who has not provided these amenities and who has not even made the crudest of hat hooks available on the wall nearest the seating or on the benches where gentleman might sit should therefore not expect a gentleman to place his fine hat upon the same table at which he intends to dine. 

Unfortunately, the new generation of restaurants do not understand the fine intent of etiquette with respect to a gentleman’s chapeau and yet in their pretension suffer their patrons to remove their hats upon demand.  A restaurateur who is truly refined should never insult a patron by demanding or even suggesting the removal of his hat.  A maître d’ might politely offer to take a gentleman’s hat to hat and coat check at the door but he must never insist, mention it a second time nor make it appear in any way that the gentleman was being discourteous or was ignorant of the proper gentlemanly manner.   A truly fine restaurant will accommodate its patrons, not scold or oppress them since it is not their business to teach proper etiquette but rather to dispense fine food and customer service!

One of the dynamics of the late twentieth century has been the utilization of hats as a symbolic gesture by urban gangs.  Business establishments that are forced to respond to these clear and serious threats have implemented no hat policies that have caught on in places where this threat is nonexistent without the practise ever being reconsidered.  So welcome to the twenty-first century; a paranoid, litigious and generally discourteous landscape where gentlemanly values are not understood or revered!  Today’s gentleman is virtually alone, and his civilized sense of courtesy will be looked upon by many as antiquated, irrelevant and offensive.  Under these circumstances it is easy to understand why many men no longer have a desire to be true gentlemen.  So as gentlemen, we represent all that stands between chaos and barbarism!  But a gentleman does not ever want to become overzealous about his convictions at least not to the point that he becomes rude, or might insult those who are truly ignorant of the fact they are ignorant.

This, of course leaves a true gentleman with but one option, when he is wearing a fine chapeau and intends to dine out then he must immediately inquire at the door, and if there is a maître d’ direct this question toward him, tactfully so as not to make a great fuss of it.  It is also very important that a gentleman not insult the restaurant or eating establishment because it has no accommodations for hi8s hat.  He should not be so selfish as  to imagine that any business, would suddenly create a hat check for him and he should never impose upon the restaurateur or manager to make special accommodations for him to place his hat in some secure place perhaps the office or elsewhere.  A gentleman must respect the nature of the business that confronts him; it literally is what it is!  Furthermore, if the gentleman is dining with one or more persons he should have inquired beforehand.  It is impolite to invite dinner guests to a restaurant without having first verified its virtues.  A gentleman will have not gone merely on word of mouth but would have checked the menu and price beforehand a task made all he simpler with the internet.  A loophole to this dilemma when a gentleman is unsure of the restaurants hat policy is for the him to tell his guests he is checking availability for a table and whilst he checks if he discovers there are no accommodations he returns to them informing them that the restaurant is booked with appointments.  But this manner of hunting should not go on to the utter frustration of all parties involved.  A gentleman cannot repeat this mistake, he must  forgo his need to protect his chapeau so as not to hold his hungry guests hostage so the gentleman must decide to either remove his hat place it in the car, if that option exists or employ any number of cyber tools to locate a gentle restaurant that will have the proper accommodations.

Many restaurants want to create the image of luxury and sophistication by asking male patrons to remove their hats but a fine restaurant will have a coat and hat check specifically for this purpose leaving it up to the patron to either remove or wear his hat as he so pleases.  A gentleman must always remember to tip the clerk at the hat check directly and separately from the waiter.   A gentleman will never make a fuss concerning whether a restaurant can accommodate his hat check, likewise if a gentleman finds that he has entered an establishment that is aggressive about the removal of his fine dress-hat he should simply pay his tab and leave.  There may be arguments for when a gentleman can wear his hat in a restaurant or if he can wear it when he is at the bar only or if he is in an informal eating establishment such as a diner, café or fast food establishment but these will be subjects of another time…

Written by David Vollin